Ask Ilchibuko: I feel lonely. Should I find a partner and settle down?

Someone asked me this question: “I feel lonely. Should I find a partner and settle down?”

Feeling lonely?

The feeling of deep-rooted loneliness means there’s a part of you that’s trying to get your attention. Being lonely means you have been searching for love for the longest time, and you feel as if something is missing, but you couldn’t ever fill that emptiness.

This underlying loneliness does not disappear when you are with someone. You will temporarily feel relieved from the feeling of loneliness but the truth is that there comes a time when you will still feel lonely, even with someone. You will still feel isolated, so you try to do something to fix it. For example, you might resort to working all the time, eating a lot, taking pills, or oversleeping.
You might have tried all of these external solutions, but no matter how much you keep yourself busy, that loneliness won’t go away.

You may think settling down will fix your loneliness because granted, you will be with your partner all the time. What I want you to consider is this:

The person who you really want to be with is not your significant other.
It is you, yourself, who you want to be with, all the time. 

You may have looked for different ways to find love, from others, activities, and places to battle your loneliness. But you may have missed this one important place: the Love that is within you.

Where is Love?

Love is within you. If you were looking at other people to find love, I want you to change the way you look at love. Begin to see the possibility that Love is already existing within yourself. And see the possibility that you felt lonely because you were not recognizing that love within you that you are supposed to be in touch with. That part of you is desperately and sincerely calling to you, but you have been ignoring it. This is why you’re feeling lonely.

You may think settling down will erase that loneliness, but that won’t help. What I want you to consider is to begin the journey of getting in touch with yourself.

I suggest you do this simple self-reflection meditation to get in touch with your true self:

Bring your hands to your heart and ask these questions to yourself, “What do I want?”

At first, you may catch yourself thinking, “I want a boyfriend. I want someone to be with, a husband who loves me completely.” Or something like these answers.
But these are just surface answers. I want you to ask yourself, “What do I really want?  Did I or did I not receive what I need in life? How did that make me feel?”

Reflect on your childhood up to now. Then, ask yourself, “What was I looking for all my life? How did I take action, and what was the motivation for doing what I did?”

All You Truly Need

If you keep asking yourself, you will arrive at a place inside yourself where you will realize that all you truly need in life is Love.

If you get to that place in your heart, tell yourself, “I’m sorry I ignored you for a long time. Forgive me for looking for external solutions and temporary happiness.
Then, say your name and say to yourself, “I love you.” You will feel that sense of oneness with yourself, and you will begin to communicate with yourself.

Having a partner can be a beautiful experience. I would like to say that spending time with a partner is about expressing love and support for each other for growth, not because you need to fill that space of loneliness.

The source of love exists within you. Communicate with yourself and search within for that Love so you can share it with many people around you including your partner.

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